Dear Cameron,
In honor of today, our 6 year anniversary, I wanted to praise you for the man that you are. I didn't think that 6 years ago, when you asked me out I would be saying yes to my later fiance and now future husband. What I have known, and for a while, is that you are unlike anyone that I have ever met. You can be the most stubborn person on this planet, but also the most sensitive and loving too. Things aren't the way they were 6 years ago. We were in the heart of our teenage years when we first got to know each other and today, as adults, we continue to grow each day. We still have a long way to go, which I do not fear, but look forward to. Every now and then, people will ask me how we've managed to stay together this long. My answer once was, "we're really open with each other, are always in communication and are honest with one another" and other things of that nature. Today, my answer is God has kept us together. I think back to lowest stage of our relationship, the decision was finally made that we would start going to church together and everything changed. We began to connect on a level that I didn't know we could. Our conversations were more mature, more realistic and for one of the very first times I felt like we had finally decided that the focus of our life would be centered around something bigger than ourselves. I knew in that stage of our life, we would get married. When we took that turning point, I met a whole new person. It was then I realized, you were the man of God you always wanted to be, but that I didn't even know that I needed. When I broke my ankle in February, you showed me just how protective you are of me. I knew then you would do anything in your power to make sure I was taken care of. I know that 6 years is a long time, but looking back on the early years of our relationship - we were really just going through the motions, not knowing that something bigger and better was on its way. You have filled a void in my heart and you have brought me so much happiness.
On April 26, 2006 in an old blog, I wrote this -
"i can seriously not believe that saturday is already cameron and i's 4 month anniversery.. i never thought i'd have a relationship that would last this long, and its crazy to think that too because with him, it feels like we've been together forever, but its gone by so fast that i lose track i dunno its weird, but i love him. so much, seriously i've never felt this way about anyone before and even through everything, i can't picture myself with anyone else."
Those feelings that I experienced at 16, have not changed a bit. You are an incredible person, will be amazing husband and later in life an extraordinary father.
You have changed my life for the better. You have seen me at my worst, best and everywhere in between and still love me for who I am. You are perfect to me and I would never trade what we have for anything else in this world.
I love you today, tomorrow, and always.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Dear 21 Year Old Me.
Before I start this post I need to give credit where credit is due. I stole this idea from Katie, whose blog you need to read immediately. There are many different ways to structure these letters, but I'm going to structure mine like she did hers.
Back in the 8th grade, we were given an assignment similar to this. We were told to write letters to ourselves and they were mailed to us within the year after we graduated high school. I received mine and was quite disappointed. I specifically remember that I did quickly write the letter because I was taking care of other things during class time. The letter was generic and didn't explain my emotional state whatsoever. I will try harder this time to really explain how I'm feeling right now. We were even given the opportunity to write letters to others that we were leaving 8th grade with. I don't remember who I wrote one too, if any, but I only got 1 sent to me from Amy Tripp. So thanks for thinking of me, Amy.
So.. without further a due:
Dear 21 Year Old Me,
You are, of course, writing this at 11:54 the night before your last final of the semester rather than studying. I imagine that unless you were forced into it, you still find ways around taking care of anything than the most important task at hand. You're writing this in an anxious mood because you're less than 24 hours away from starting winter break and walking away from the worst semester you've had in college. You've thought for the last week about what you would say in this letter and decided that you will go ahead and make a list of things you will regret and things you will not regret. So here goes:
Things you will regret:
You will regret not living up to your full potential in school. This is not an easy pill for you to swallow right now, but at this very moment you are kicking yourself for not spending as much time studying as you should have.
You will regret worrying about so many people that I can guarantee will not be apart of your life by the time this letter reaches you. In fact, you will most likely sit around pondering about who exactly you were talking about when you were writing this. Cameron won't know either, so good luck figuring it out.
You will regret passing judgment on others before giving them a chance.
You will regret being an extremist. For real girl, cut the drama.
You will regret not making more of an effort to have a relationship with your dad. You will regret the time you spent angry at him. You will regret the time that was lost with your other family because of your bitterness and resentment. You will someday realize that the past is the past.
You will regret talking about so many people behind their back.
You will regret letting others walk all over you.
You will regret not giving those who really care about you, more of your attention. You're (you will regret that you originally wrote "your" and had to go back and edit it) young and can still be naive about things, but you know that you took others for granted a lot.
You will regret not appreciating your mom more in present time. You will regret hurting her feelings.
Overall, you will regret putting more emphasis on things that didn't matter and less time on things that do.
Things you will not regret:
You will absolutely not regret transferring to Parkside after your first year of college and moving back home. This was the best personal move you could have made and it taught you a lot about yourself.
You will never regret not dating anyone else prior to marrying Cameron. You will never regret anything about Cameron, period.
You will never regret or forget the first time you decided to give Great Lakes Church a chance. This church has changed your life. Wherever your spiritual journey takes you from here, without this church you may have never found God. You will also not regret being upfront and honest about your religion at a young age. You've found peace and hope that no other group could ever offer you.
While you will regret not trying harder in school, you will not regret finishing your bachelor's degree in 4 years. Even though when you entered college you thought it was just the norm to finish college in that time span, you will quickly realize how fortunate you were to be able to graduate on time without life getting in the way.
I need to bold this because it's important: you will never, in your life, regret not being apart of the party scene. When you read this again years from now, you will not be bummin' about the fact that you missed so many parties when you were in your late teens and early twenties. It won't happen, older you and current you know that.
You will not regret the times, even at 21 and younger, you didn't give into others and walked away from bad situations. You learned from this.
You will not regret being you. You will not regret being mature and spending time with older people. You will not regret investing time in yourself and putting yourself first when it mattered most.
--
That felt good! I don't know how I'll get this letter back to myself later on, but I'll figure it out.
-B
Back in the 8th grade, we were given an assignment similar to this. We were told to write letters to ourselves and they were mailed to us within the year after we graduated high school. I received mine and was quite disappointed. I specifically remember that I did quickly write the letter because I was taking care of other things during class time. The letter was generic and didn't explain my emotional state whatsoever. I will try harder this time to really explain how I'm feeling right now. We were even given the opportunity to write letters to others that we were leaving 8th grade with. I don't remember who I wrote one too, if any, but I only got 1 sent to me from Amy Tripp. So thanks for thinking of me, Amy.
So.. without further a due:
Dear 21 Year Old Me,
You are, of course, writing this at 11:54 the night before your last final of the semester rather than studying. I imagine that unless you were forced into it, you still find ways around taking care of anything than the most important task at hand. You're writing this in an anxious mood because you're less than 24 hours away from starting winter break and walking away from the worst semester you've had in college. You've thought for the last week about what you would say in this letter and decided that you will go ahead and make a list of things you will regret and things you will not regret. So here goes:
Things you will regret:
You will regret not living up to your full potential in school. This is not an easy pill for you to swallow right now, but at this very moment you are kicking yourself for not spending as much time studying as you should have.
You will regret worrying about so many people that I can guarantee will not be apart of your life by the time this letter reaches you. In fact, you will most likely sit around pondering about who exactly you were talking about when you were writing this. Cameron won't know either, so good luck figuring it out.
You will regret passing judgment on others before giving them a chance.
You will regret being an extremist. For real girl, cut the drama.
You will regret not making more of an effort to have a relationship with your dad. You will regret the time you spent angry at him. You will regret the time that was lost with your other family because of your bitterness and resentment. You will someday realize that the past is the past.
You will regret talking about so many people behind their back.
You will regret letting others walk all over you.
You will regret not giving those who really care about you, more of your attention. You're (you will regret that you originally wrote "your" and had to go back and edit it) young and can still be naive about things, but you know that you took others for granted a lot.
You will regret not appreciating your mom more in present time. You will regret hurting her feelings.
Overall, you will regret putting more emphasis on things that didn't matter and less time on things that do.
Things you will not regret:
You will absolutely not regret transferring to Parkside after your first year of college and moving back home. This was the best personal move you could have made and it taught you a lot about yourself.
You will never regret not dating anyone else prior to marrying Cameron. You will never regret anything about Cameron, period.
You will never regret or forget the first time you decided to give Great Lakes Church a chance. This church has changed your life. Wherever your spiritual journey takes you from here, without this church you may have never found God. You will also not regret being upfront and honest about your religion at a young age. You've found peace and hope that no other group could ever offer you.
While you will regret not trying harder in school, you will not regret finishing your bachelor's degree in 4 years. Even though when you entered college you thought it was just the norm to finish college in that time span, you will quickly realize how fortunate you were to be able to graduate on time without life getting in the way.
I need to bold this because it's important: you will never, in your life, regret not being apart of the party scene. When you read this again years from now, you will not be bummin' about the fact that you missed so many parties when you were in your late teens and early twenties. It won't happen, older you and current you know that.
You will not regret the times, even at 21 and younger, you didn't give into others and walked away from bad situations. You learned from this.
You will not regret being you. You will not regret being mature and spending time with older people. You will not regret investing time in yourself and putting yourself first when it mattered most.
--
That felt good! I don't know how I'll get this letter back to myself later on, but I'll figure it out.
-B
Monday, December 12, 2011
Switch of focus.
In a little over a week, I will be 1 semester away from finishing my Bachelor's Degree. This is exciting and terrifying at the same time. My college experience wasn't very ordinary. It was during my time in college that 2 people I went to highschool with and a close family friend passed away. This was my first real experience with death (aside from my aunt passing away in 2008). It's a lot different when someone you're close in age with passes away vs. a family member, even though she passed away before her 50th birthday. I've learned a lot from these deaths and faster than I expected to. While I want to remember college as being the greatest years of my life, the memories of these deaths will always be attached. Today, I was told that a friend of mine recently found out her mom has breast cancer. This was a hard pill to swallow. Since we grew up together, I feel it's something that could have easily happened to me. It's a difficult situation because this isn't just someone I went to school with or passed by in the hallways, she has always been a close friend to me and always will be. When I found this out, I was in the middle of one of my own personal fits, angry about something small and in an instant it was as if God personally delivered me a reality check. He's good at this. The minute I think I have problems I am immediately reminded that it could.always.be.worse. The truth of the matter is, for every time I've started a sentence with I'm thankful for this, but __________ - I need to retract my sentence with I am thankful regardless of this. The fact of the matter is God has taught me that life will always be more about who I spend my precious time with rather than who I choose to use my time complaining about. I am here to say, the lesson has come through loud and clear. I'm guilty of this every single day. Instead of saying that my new's year resolution will be to fix this - it will start today. I need to put greater focus on the people that mean something to me and less focus on things that I will never have the power to change. It's all about perspective and mine changes.. now.
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